Dealing with a Teenager Who Just Wanted to Get By — Part I
A dysfunctional family? Maybe so. This time, as I would have expected, the trouble isn’t at the next door but right at my doorstep. And the undoubtful role parents play in building bridges to strengthen the family bond, this time should also come from my sleeves. These are some of the troubles when dealing with teenagers.
Activating this parental responsibility becomes even more complex, with a breaking-up marriage having the kids at the center of it all. The situation called for extra precaution. My tongue waged, and my words measured to land safely and sincerely, causing positive impacts in my sons’ lives without giving the impression of taking advantage of the circumstances.
Everyone was in high spirit as, for the first time, a life-changing family reunion and discussion was taking place. Sounds familiar? What a fantastic day! A day in which a marathon and unprecedented family meeting occupied the center of attention. And at the same time, receiving the right and the deserved treatment. A panacea of how to deal with troubled teens’ problems.
The Parts and Pieces of the Grand Reunion
As a father, I also made a concerted effort to maintain this discussion with my children. For I hardly have time for myself. Therefore, this first meeting may become a routine opportunity to be rubbing minds together moving forward. Something I looked forward to and welcomed with great expectation. You see, as a young kid, I never had this warm interaction with my parents, and not during my most impressionable years as a teenager.
So, this particular summer weekend afternoon, I was home with the three boys. We discussed almost every topic under the sun as it affects life in general and my children in particular. As we proceeded, some personal opinions gradually propped up, and later they became instrumental points for discussion. Then, suddenly, the voice of one of them said, “I have made up my mind and just want to get by in life.”
The Fatherly Affection and Emotional Connection
Initially, my first thought was, “What is this all about?” But, then, “before I could ask, son, what exactly do you mean?” he bared his heart out to me, as well as to his brothers who were sitting in the seat next to him, transfixed, waiting to hear more.
And he continued, “As I see things, I think I’ll just get by with anything I can lay my hands on.” I retorted, “You mean you just want to get by in life?” it was harrowing to hear my son speak with such conviction. Wrapping my head around this new revelation, I knew that what I said next could have many ramifications in our future lives as a family.
Especially since it was my goal to provide the parental care that I knew my children would need moving forward in their lives. For someone who lacked this warm emotional connection with my parents, I knew that I just had to make a difference in my own children’s life.
Father’s Reaction or Over Reaction?
My reaction to this unexpected question was disbelief, confusion, and hesitancy. Not to mention that three pairs of eyes were looking at me, wondering what I would say next. Then, I had to carefully choose my words, continuing with my response. I had to choose my words so my son would not see me as weak or, worse still, as an inconsiderate father.
Not only that, but I wanted to make sure that my teenager did not discover that I was apprehensive about his new outlook on life.
Therefore, I cleared my throat and tried to compose myself. I knew I needed to recall an arsenal of valued philosophical ideas of importance that have helped me throughout my lifetime. Critical among them include hard work, resilience, and a handful of other values that form the basis of a successful life.
Roadmap Traced for a Peaceful and cohesive family.
Finally, the concept of a dysfunctional family had cause to rejoice. And the fear in my mind that trouble was right at my doorstep turned out to be a blessing in disguise. And the parental wherewithal to building bridges of family bonds had to come from my own sleeves.
Though parental responsibility became complex, with a breaking-up marriage and kids in the middle — — which Called for extra precaution. Tongue waged, words measured to land safely and to cause positive impacts in my sons’ lives yet portraying me in the right light.
The first-time family reunion saw everyone in high spirits. A situation expected in a healthy family environment. A fantastic day indeed! Despite the marathon, the meeting occupied the center of attention and deserved treatment.
Despite my busy schedule, I made a concerted effort to hold the meeting with the children. As a result, we discovered that this type of reunion could become a routine and an opportunity to be rubbing minds together moving forward. I looked forward to this with the great expectation of holding a similar meeting in the future. The main reason is that, as a kid, I never had this kind of interaction with my own parents.
Well, the three boys joined me at home on that particular summer weekend afternoon. The occasion witnessed an open discussion bordering on all subjects as it affected the kids. Which did not only become instrumental for discussion but led to more revelations when one of the sons said, “I have made up my mind and just wanted to get by in life.” No doubt, this served as a precursor and further kicked off the meeting beyond the time limit. Still, all said and done, the expectations of the meeting were met, and the roadmap was laid down for a peaceful and cohesive family.
